Dear children,
Looking at these photographs from your "younger days" taken at the very beginning of my film photography journey and then looking at photographs from the most recent rolls I got developed, I can't help but reminisce. I reminisce about how little the both of you were. Max, you were still a small baby; Evie you still had some baby fat on you..a toddler, not yet a big girl.
Max, you are running circles around me nowadays, your favorite activity seems to be un-tidying the toys and books the SECOND I tidy and stack. You are even throwing tantrums when you don't get what you want...mostly when I wouldn't let you drink water all throughout dinner. I guess I should have been prepared that you'd start to express your opinions loudly, but I wasn't ready my sweet boy. You continue to be amazed by your Ga Je and laugh and babble and cheer whenever you know she is coming to hang out with you.
Evie, you are my sassy, smart, and sweet girl. Just that other day you asked if you could have a fruit as a snack after school. We said yes you can have fruit - pear, apple, banana. Then you proceeded to verify that pears, apples, and bananas were fruit. Then you asked, "is a juice box a fruit?" After I mumbled some answers, you asked, "can I have a juice box then?" You are a smartie pants in my book and I think this will serve you well in all aspects of your life. Though you are relentless and demanding with us, your Baba and I saw a different side of you this weekend at your classmate's birthday party. We watched you wait your turn patiently and even watched how you did not complain or make a fuss when they forgot to give you a piece of cupcake that you had been so excitedly for. I wished you spoke up but also know that you are learning how to be "on your own" and how to navigate the world in your own way. Your Baba and I have so much to learn with regards to learning when we should be helping you navigate things and letting you do it on your own.
Guys, you are my everything (well..your dad too of course). Someone once told me that having kids give you a chance to learn how to be a better person and I couldn't agree more. I'm still learning how to take better care of myself and take better care of you guys. I am thankful for everything that we have. But I'm not going to lie that there aren't hard days when I feel completely overspent and stressed and proceed to lose my crap. There will always be those kind of days I guess regardless of the circumstances we are dealt, but I hope that over time, you will see that even if I lose my shit that I could calm down quickly, compose myself, move on from all the negative emotions, and deal with things I need to deal with. And maybe one day, I'll be able to do all that without losing any control..because that's the kind of example I want to set for you.
I love you both more than I can ever say.
-Mama
